I saw you walking down the street carrying what looked like a birthday cake in a clear plastic container. You were tall, with a shaved head and round glasses, wearing a navy cardigan over a white T-shirt, loose tan pants, and maroon Adidas Sambas. The cake had blue frosting and, unless I somehow read it completely wrong, the words “WE NEED TO TALK” written across it in white icing. You stopped outside a bookstore, checked your reflection in the window, fixed your hair, and then walked inside. I HAVE GOT TO KNOW what was about to happen!!

I saw you with shoulder-length hair wearing a mustard-yellow puffer jacket, cream scarf, dark green trousers, and white Converse. You were standing near the back doors of the N line. You look exactly like someone my friend said they saw earlier that afternoon, and now I'm wondering if you're the same person, we want your phone number!

Holy smokes! Y'all are BADDIES!